started to dream :)

started to dream :)


what kind of dream? sweet dream.
about my funeral of coursseeee :))


yeah, what kind of funeral that i'll have someday?
oh. for the first, of course i have to think how my life will be end.


first case : die cause of the old age.

when? will it be long? oh damn. i hope not this way. if with this way, i have to wait for too long. i'll not be patient. if i have to wait, it means i have to meet more problems. more misery. i'm too afraid to face it. i'm too tired to think about it. :((


second case : by an accident.

what kind of accident? is it will be hurt? oh, of coure it will. how hurt it is? i don't know. just imagined it, and wonder how hurt it is. is it more hurt than i felt now?


third case : hit by car.

wew, such an usual way. many people died cause of this way huh? but i think i know how it feels like. i was hitten by motorcycle years ago. i didn't die, it just left many wounds.


fourth case : murdered.

whoaa. cool. who dares to kill me??hahah, of course they'll really dare. i'm just nothing for them. i always bring them to many problems, i always give them miseries. they have no reason for not to kill me. they'll do it with pleasure won't they? :)


fifth case : over dose

heyy, i'm not a drug-user!


sixth case : suicidal.

it's cool isn't it?
why i can't try it?
why i didn't allow to try it?
why i afraid to try it?

cause i'm still afraid of God.
i'm still afraid if i'll go to hell after i die.
i'm still afraid to do that "sin".


hey, i know that it's such a sin.
but why i still wanna do that?
why i still dream of that?

cause i'm too tired to face everyday. too afraid. i have nothing to help me, no one stands beside me. i'm all alone. maybe it's my fault too. cause i didn't let them know. i didn't show them.
they don't know i cried myself to sleep everynight. they dont't know i have too much problems that i don't even know i can handle it or not. i don't even know i can fix it or not. it's too complicated. i don't even know i can share it to my friends or not. i'm too afraid.


there's too many fear for me. i even afraid to wake up everyday. i even afraid to face every morning. i'd rather live in the night than on the noon.